Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle and the Cranky Dad Cure
by Anguz
Summary: You know how all the dads in mrs. Piggle-Wiggle storys are always so craky and evil? wel, now therez a cure for that too


The Cranky Dad Cure

It was a beautiful Monday morning in the Keyboard household. The sun was shining, and the birds were singing. Mrs. Keyboard was getting little Robbie ready to go to school, when her husband woke up. Everything seemed ok until he got downstairs and sat down to breakfast. Robbie was just finishing his sugar covered sugar flakes, and saying, "Man, why does it have to be nice out _now_?! It was rainy all weekend!" 

At this, his father looked up from his newspaper, and almost shouted, "There's nothing wrong with the weather, young man! Why, when I was your age, it rained every single day! And it rained much harder than it ever does now, and if I complained about it, my father would beat me with a shovel!"

"Now Chainsaw, dear, you're just making that up. It is annoying that the weather has to be nice on weekdays and not on weekends. Besides, I was his age at the same time you were, and the weather was the same as it is now," His wife said in a soothing voice. 

"Hmph," he grumbled and continued to read his newspaper. 

It was time for little Robbie to go to his bus now, so he got up to get his coat, but when he got into the mudroom, he couldn't find it. He yelled into the kitchen, "Mom, where's my coat?" 

"My goodness, can't you _ever_ find _anything_?!" His Father howled, "What's wrong with you kids these days?! When I was your age, I had everything organized _perfectly!_ I organized my room alone three times a day! The problem these days is that there's no discipline! We should whip you when you can't find things, like my father used to do to me! Then he made me pay for them, too!"

"There, there, Chainsaw, dear, " His wife said quietly, and to Robbie, "It's in your room, isn't it, Robbie?"

"Oh, yeah!" Said Robbie, and he ran through the kitchen and galloped up the stairs to his room.

"Can't you go up the stairs a little quieter?! You're giving me a headache!" His father called up to him. "Seriously, I should put land mines in the stairs, so if you hit them too hard, they blow you up! That's what I'll do!"

"That will do, Chainsaw!" His wife said firmly. "Why are you so uptight today?"

"UPTIGHT?! UPTIGHT?!" He shrieked. "_I_ am _not_ uptight! The _problem_ is that that boy is a menace and _something_ should be done about it! When I was a boy, if a kid acted like he does, his back would be so covered with marks from the whip that he wouldn't be able to walk, and when he couldn't walk, he wouldn't be fed, because he was useless!"

"Chainsaw! Don't talk that way! There's nothing wrong with Robbie, that's just the way kids-" Mrs. Keyboard was saying, when Robbie galloped back down the stairs, his jacket on. He made noise again, and since he had not heard his father the first time, he was not prepared.

"If you don't stop making so much noise, I am going to lock you in the basement for a year and-" He started to say, but Mrs. Keyboard stopped him.

"Chainsaw, I want you to stop this talk now! I'm going out to wait for the bus with Robbie, and I hope you will be in a better mood when I get back."

This got him going again "You still have to wait for the bus with him?! He's nine years old, for crying out loud! When I was nine, I had to walk fourteen miles in my bare feet to go to school, and not only that, but…"

But they never found out what else, because they were out the door.

When they were well out of earshot, Robbie asked his mother, "Why is Daddy so crabby today?"

She replied, "I don't know, dear, I think he must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed."

Robbie had a confused look on his face. He said, 'But you get up on the opposite side of the bed that he does, and you're never crabby."

"I know dear, it's just a figure of speech."

"What's that?"

She was about to explain, but at that moment, she saw the bus coming and said, "I'll explain it tonight, honey."

Robbie got on the bus, and had a very nice day at school.

When Mrs. Keyboard got back up by the house, he husband was just pulling out of the garage in his car. He rolled down his window and said to her, "See you tonight Lampshade, dear, and do call Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle about that boy, will you?"

She did call Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, as soon as she got inside, but not about Robbie.

"When she picked up the phone and told Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle who was calling, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle asked her, "Oh, has Robbie come down with toung-sticking-out-idis? It's all over town,"

"Oh, no, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, In fact, I'm not calling about Robbie at all. It's my husband, Chainsaw."

"Well, I don't pretend to be an expert on adults, but I might be able to help you. What seems to be the trouble?"

"Well, Mr. Piggle-Wiggle, he has gotten ever so _cranky_ lately. Every little thing Robbie does gets him all worked up. Is there _anything_ you can do?"

"Ah, yes, crankydadidis. It's a very common ailment, actually, but people rarely think to call me about it. I have just the thing. Can you come and pick it up today?"

"Oh, yes Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle. What is it?"

"Oh, just a little bottle of 'crabbiness tonic'. You drop a few drops of it into his toothpaste container, and when he brushes his teeth, the crabbiness tonic will be _all_ over his mouth. When he tries to yell, or talk angrily, he will hear a very loud noise, like a foghorn up close. You won't be able to hear a thing, but he will. I guarantee his crabbiness will be stopped within a day."

"Oh, thank you ever so much Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle. I'll be right over to pick it up,"

As soon as she hung up the phone, she drove over to Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle's house and picked up the magic tonic.

As soon as she got home, she dropped three drops of it into Chainsaw's toothpaste.

That afternoon, Robbie came home, did his homework, and was about to go play outside when his father got home.

When his father saw him heading for the door he said, "And just where do you think _you're_ going young man?"

"Outside," Robbie said quietly.

"Outside?! Why, don't you have any _homework_ to do?! Go back in your room and do your homework!"

Robbie's mother came to the rescue just in time, "Chainsaw, dear, he just finished his homework, he can go outside now."

Robbie disappeared out the door.

"He finished his homework _already_?!" His father shouted. " That's preposterous! When I was his age, I had at least _four hours_ of homework a day, and if we didn't do it, we got _expelled from school_! Did you call Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle? What did she say?"

"She said that it's just a phase, and the best thing to do is pretend not to notice it."

"What kind of lousy advice is that?! She sounds like a quack if you ask-"

"She knows what she is doing, Chainsaw, now why don't you go brush your teeth, and we will eat dinner."

He was taken aback by the suggestion of brushing his teeth, but did as he was told and came down to dinner.

At dinner, Mrs. Keyboard said to Robbie, "Oh, I never explained to you about figures of speech! Well, you see-"

But Robbie cut her off, "That's ok, Mom, Mrs. Filingcabinet explained it to me in school today-"

But that was as far as he got, because his father began to say, "DON'T INTERRUPT YOUR MOTH-"

But _that_ was as far as _he_ got, because he heard a horrible loud noise in his ears that totally startled him. It stopped when he stopped trying to shout.

"Wha- what was that?" He sputtered. 

"I didn't hear anything," Said Robbie.

"Niether do I," Said Mrs. Keyboard, trying not to laugh.

Mr. Keyboard shut up until it was made clear to him that they had been saying that he had woken up on the wrong side of the bed.

"_I _DID NOT-" He began, but again he heard a horrible sound, this time even louder, in his ears.

He tried again, "NOW YOU LOOK HE-" The noise was even worse this time. Once again he gave up.

"What is going on Lampshade?" He asked his wife.

"I don't know," She chuckled, "Sounds to me like you need to stop yelling so much,"

He didn't like this.

"I DO NOT YE-" he began, but again, he heard the noise, and said calmly, "Maybe I do, don't I?"

"Yes, you do," Said his wife, "But I think you will stop pretty soon."

And, overall, he did. For the next few weeks, he would start to yell every once in a while, but then immediately stop. 

After about a month, he almost _never_ yelled. The tube of toothpaste he had been using had run out, but the disease had been conquered, and he only yelled when completely necessary.

One day he remarked to his wife, "You know, Robbie's behavior has gotten much better in the last month or so. I barely have to yell anymore. I guess Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle was right."

"Yes, I guess she was, wasn't she?" Mrs. Keyboard said with a twinkle in her eye, "I sure am glad I called her up, her cures always seem to work."


End file.
